Confessions from Florence

Hello!

So I am almost finished with my second day of classes! I was super stressed yesterday about them because they seem like so much work and there was going to be so much extra money involved that we werent told about. How frustrating.

But today has been much better. I think I am really going to enjoy these classes and learn so much about the history of the city where I am living. I can't believe I am actually living in the same city that Michelango lived or the same city where Giotto designed some of the most famous buildings in the world. It is still so surreal.

Last night was one of the most amazing nights, maybe of my life. I finally realized exactly what this trip was about. Its not about seeing the famous sites or studying and getting A's. Studying abroad is truly about learning about yourself. And I honestly think everyone on this trip was put here for a reason. I am living with five of the most amazing girls who are helping me grow into a much stronger, beautiful, and better woman and at the same time I am watching them do the same. God works in such mysterious ways.

In the past week, there has been more drama than I ever expected. However, I have learned that there are other sides to stories and before I flip out, I need to learn to hear things from other people, even when I am upset.

I am learning to trust. Especially those around me because I have nobody else here. We are all that each other has and no matter how rough things get we need to remember that. I have ended up with a roommate who has the same trust issues that I do with people and we are helping each other overcome those problems. I couldn't have asked for a better person to live with. I hope in the next four weeks that the two of us working together will help me overcome my issues and I hope to bring back a more trusting girl.

And the most important thing I have learned in this past week is about my tone. I have dealt with it since I was a child, but it didn't hit me until Sunday. My mom has always threatened me with a tape recorder, but never did. Well at 20 years old, I finally heard myself on tape make a smart comment. I was on the top of Pisa making a video of the view with my friend and she made a comment and I responded with a comment that was supposed to be sarcastic, but not bitchy. Well, when I got home I heard my tone and it was awful. And at the moment, I realized how I could offend people so easily when in all reality I thought I was being funny.

Having learned that, I want to apologize to my mom. For so many years, I have disrespected you and never really understood it. Ive never realized how hurtful some of the things I say really are and I am soo soo sorry for every time I was mean and hurtful and for every time I said I hate you. You are one of the most amazing (if not the most amazing woman, I can't forget my grandmother) I have ever met. I couldn't have made it through the past 20 years without you. I thank you for everything you have done for me. Everything you have sacrificed and I only hope that I can be half the mother to my kids that you have been to me. I love you sooooo soooo much and I cannot wait to get home to see you.

And now for the every single person who traveled to Italy on the same flight as I did. I owe you all the biggest apology. I had a 3 or 4 hour talk last night with my roommates where we calmly discussed how those few days played out. And what I realized was that we had the biggest miscommunication causing my actions and decisions to be miscontrued. I am so sorry that I made you all feelthat I was on a power trip. I can assure you that was not the case. I honestly felt responsible for everyones safety and if anything would have happened to anything or anyone I would have felt solely responsible and wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I should have sat down and taken everyones opinions and considerations in because we are all adults and this is our trip, NOT my trip. I am sorry if I talked to you like you were stupid or if I made you feel that you weren't important. I am sorry that I had preconceived notions of some of you. I am sorry that those few days happened the way that they did. Most of all, I am sorry if I made it seem like I lied to you. It was brought to my attention that people thought maybe I had lied about the train time to get back and that was in everyones heads when they arrived in Florence. And then I saw you all and was totally shocked and started laughing, playing in even more to that idea making it seem that it was true. And then people read my blog about it being "sweet revenge" playing into that once again even more. And I honestly don't blame you for seeing that. I see exactly why people would think that and my actions (never realizing you all thought that was a possibilty) just confirmed that. But, I do want you to know that sending you all to that train station was an honest mistake. When Louis, Jasmine, and I went to change the tickets we asked and they said you all could catch the train to Florence from there at 11:05 and we thought that would be easier for everyone, especially those with luggage. It was an honest mistake and I am sorry. Again, I am sorry for the way everything turned out during those days and I hope you all can forgive me and we can start over from here on out and make the most of the next 4 weeks.

Okay, now that I've spent the last hour spilling out my heart, I am going to try and finish uploading some pictures. Then its off to class.

I love you all and I can't wait to see you when I get home!

Jess